


Fireworks

by RachaelGold



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 19:24:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14600025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelGold/pseuds/RachaelGold
Summary: An unguarded comment from Mark sets Chakotay thinking. Will he finally realise that Kathryn has deeper feelings for him than he has conditioned himself to believe?Setting: Post Endgame (Mid debriefings)





	Fireworks

Chakotay wandered along the path to the Officers' quarters humming to himself cheerily. He swept his eyes, with only half-hearted longing, heavenwards at the stars pricking bright holes in the black blanket of the velvet sky. It was a crisp night, yet inside he felt comfortably warm. Debriefings would soon be at an end and his relationship with Seven was swimming along nicely, just reaching a somewhat interesting stage. He could not describe what he felt as fireworks, but it certainly was flattering and exciting to be desired by such a young and beautiful woman. 

He observed happily that the lights were still on in the lounge of the luxurious suite of rooms he had shared with Kathryn for the last three weeks, and he climbed the stairs to the first floor anticipating a delightful evening with his special friend. Below them, Tom, B'Elanna and baby Miral were lodged. He didn't suppose they were getting much sleep, and a soft infantile cry wafted upwards, as if to confirm his thoughts. He glanced along the upper walkway, where a few other lieutenants were billeted, but everything there was quiet. Tuvok had been whisked away to Vulcan for treatment, and the rest of Voyager's crew were housed elsewhere in standard quarters. 

He heard voices as he palmed his hand on the entry pad, and realised that Kathryn had a visitor. He felt a momentary pang of disappointment as he contemplated the loss of his cosy late night chat with her and the simple fact that he would have to share her with someone else, but he instantly berated himself for his selfishness. This sentiment was quickly replaced by curiosity as to the identity of the stranger. 

He rounded the corner and entered the spacious lounge, where he was surprised to see a grey haired and vaguely familiar man in an easy chair, swinging a glass of whisky in his hand. Kathryn rose and welcomed him with a relaxed smile. The stranger leapt from his chair and shook Chakotay's hand vigorously. 

"Chakotay! The man who brought our dear Kathryn home to us! So good to meet you at last! I've heard so much about you! I'm…" 

"Mark? Mark Johnson?" 

"Indeed!" Kathryn beamed from the side, obviously pleased that two important men in her life had finally met each other. She soon offered to fetch Chakotay a drink as well, and left the two men to settle into the chairs and begin picking over the more notorious events of their time in the Delta Quadrant. Chakotay instantly took a liking to this rather intellectual but genial man. They had a lot in common, not least a certain fondness for a feisty red-headed Captain, and the next half hour seemed to evaporate as they extracted deliciously unknown morsels of intrigue about her from each other. 

As a distant clock chimed midnight, Mark reluctantly rose to go. He reached forward and shook Chakotay's hand again. 

"Well, I'd best be going. Carla will be wondering what has kept me. Chakotay…it was such a pleasure to meet you at last. You've no idea how thrilled I was to find out that Kathryn had a new love in her life. It's relieved me of a lot of the guilt…and she deserves to find happiness with someone else. Look after her for me, won't you? She is rather precious." 

Chakotay looked at the man in consternation. He was clearly under the illusion that Kathryn and he were much more to each other than just Captain and First Officer. 

"I'll do my best…" he offered. He lifted his eyes, and saw Kathryn behind Mark, paling visibly. 

"Ermm, Mark…" she managed, "there's nothing like that going on…" 

"Oh?" replied Mark in surprise, as it dawned on him that he had made a huge gaffe, "I didn't realise…I thought you two were…My apologies. Kathryn spoke so affectionately of you in her letters…I just assumed…" 

"I'm sure she did. We are very close friends," said Chakotay, diffusing some of the awkwardness of the conversation. 

Mark seemed to deflate before them as he looked in confusion from Chakotay to Kathryn. Then he gathered his wits. "Ahem. Well, I'd better go before I stick my foot in any deeper! Bye, Kath, my love," he said, leaning forward and kissing her on the cheek. "You will come over for dinner next week and meet the family?" He smiled lovingly at her and squeezed her shoulder. 

She smiled fondly back at the man who used to be her fiancé. "Of course. Bye, Mark!" 

"Take care of yourself, and don't let Starfleet send you on any more wild goose chases…" 

"I'll try not to," she smiled at him. 

The door closed on the retreating figure, and Kathryn slumped in a chair, one hand to her temple. Chakotay studied her with concern for a moment. He could see her eyes were glazing over. After a while, she broke the silence. "I'm sorry about that, Chakotay." 

"No need to apologise. It was an easy enough mistake to make…" It began to enter Chakotay's mind that Kathryn had perhaps embellished their relationship somewhat in her correspondence home. "Unless?" 

"No, it is my fault. I have to confess that I may have misled him a little…" 

"You misled him a little?" Chakotay blustered, anger beginning to rise in his belly. 

"Yes." 

"What does that mean, exactly?" 

"Please, leave it, Chakotay. Let it go. It doesn't matter anymore." She lifted her head, and he noticed her hand was shaking. 

"No! I want an answer! You're not going to wriggle out of this!" 

She sighed, reluctant to continue, but saw no other option. "I told him I had somebody else in my life…I thought it would ease the guilt he was struggling with…" 

"You implied it was me?" 

"Well…yes." 

"You lied about us?" he exploded furiously. "You damned well lied about us!" 

"No!" she protested. "It wasn't a lie exactly!" 

"Well, what was it then, Kathryn? Tell me, because I'm having a hard time understanding this…" 

She looked at him miserably. "I t-told him that I had fallen for you. That you were a very d-dear friend and an incredible support to me in every possible way. Chakotay, I didn't lie. Every word I said was true, but I'm sure that it was possible for him to read more into it than was there. He extrapolated a relationship out of it, and I didn't exactly disillusion him." 

"Until tonight…when you had to…because I was standing there!" 

"Well, yes. It didn't seem important when we were tens of thousands of light years away!" 

"I'll bet it didn't. Kathryn, you had no right!" 

"Chakotay," she said looking at him with determination, "Let it rest! There's been no real harm done. He'd pretty soon have worked it out once your relationship with Seven had hit the headlines." 

Chakotay huffed. She had a point. There was no real harm done, and he couldn't for the life of him figure out why he was so annoyed about it. 

Kathryn stood, and he noticed a tear slip down her cheek. His anger evaporated. She was hurting, and it was ungenerous of him to harangue her over it. 

"I'm going to bed," she commented eventually, as if to signal an end to the conversation. 

He nodded and watched her with a growing sense of unease as she made for the door to her private rooms. 

"Are you okay?" he asked, suddenly full of concern. 

She paused briefly. "Not really. But I imagine I will find a way to live with it." she said. There was a slight hitch in her voice, he noted, as she disappeared behind the door. 

* * *

  


Chakotay slumped onto the same chair Kathryn had just vacated, and dropped his head in his hands. He felt just as dejected as she did. It was no doubt an emotional time for her to see Mark again, but this wasn't their first meeting. Moreover, things she had let slip over the past few years had indicated that she had come to terms with the break up of their relationship, even speculated that they would both have become too different during their separation for renewed intimacy to have been viable anyway. So what was upsetting her so much? What was it she had to find a way to live with? 

But he knew. Deep down, he knew. It was just taking him some time and effort to open the box, take out this unexpected gift and acknowledge it. Moreover, it was a painful process, because it drew attention to his own unfaithfulness. 

He listened to her moving about in her room. He heard the shower, an occasional bump on the furniture, even sensed the dimming of the light as she settled in bed. More than that, he sensed her loneliness…her isolation...her sense of abandonment. And he felt responsible. 

In many ways he was. He knew his relationship with Seven was driving a wedge between them, levering apart the strands of their friendship. It was only to be expected. But he was only pursuing Seven in the belief that Kathryn would never offer him more than friendship, and tonight he had become painfully aware for the first time that perhaps he had been foolish and wrong to cling to that assumption. 

She had led Mark to believe that she was in a relationship with him, irrespective of what her motivation had been. That had made him angry at first, and he realised now that his anger had been fuelled by the fact that the picture she had painted to Mark had long been one of his most cherished dreams. Then he had accused her of lying and she had said…she had said… What was it she had said exactly? 

He wracked his brains, trying to conjure the precise words. _Every word I said was true._

Which meant of course that she had fallen for somebody else, namely himself!!! His pulse began to race, as he contemplated this revelation. After all these years of denial, had he finally come face to face with the truth? 

He had loved her for seven heart-wrenching years. Was it possible she loved him back? Chakotay hardly dared to breathe for fear that this ephemeral thing that he desired so much might slip away before he had a chance to grasp it. 

He had to question his own conduct here. Why on earth was he dating Seven, with these feelings still so deeply rooted in him? He knew he would have to end it as soon as possible. There was no question in his mind which path he was destined to take. 

Chakotay sighed deeply, as he glanced at the chronometer. Several hours had gone by, while he had sat here struggling with his own conscience. He was to blame for Kathryn's feelings of abandonment, and he was the one who had to put things right. It had to be now. It couldn't wait till morning. 

He stood and walked resolutely towards the door to Kathryn's suite. He hesitated only briefly before keying his way through her security codes. 

He blinked as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. The first room he entered was a private lounge and study. He crossed it blindly and stealthily, before opening the door to her bedroom. Here he found a shadowy shape bunched on the bed, and the soft sound of someone breathing deeply yet brokenly, indicating that she was in a deep disturbed sleep. 

He crossed the room, and perched himself on the edge of her bed. He reached out his right hand gingerly towards the sleeper's head, smoothing her hair away from her face, running his thumb across her cheekbone and collecting moisture from just beneath her eyelashes. He wasn't surprised. He'd guessed she'd cried herself to sleep. He took a deep breath. This tiny teardrop evaporating from his thumb affirmed her love for him and the pain she was feeling at his loss. 

He pushed his fingers into her hair, and her breath caught. She slipped over onto her back and her eyelids flickered open. Two dark eyes studied him silently, thin whispers of light glancing off their glassy intensity. His gaze met hers for a long time, as he stroked the side of her head tenderly. The only sound in the room came from their heavy expectant breathing. Words were not necessary. So much devotion was exchanged in the silence, just with the voices of their eyes. 

"Chakotay!" 

"Hush, my love. There's no need to say anything. I'm here to make everything right!" 

He divested himself of his jacket and then bent to kiss her on the temple. As he did so, he felt her tremble beneath him. 

"Everything?" 

"Everything." He placed another kiss on top of the first, then began to trail a line of them down the bridge to the tip of her nose. He finally captured her lips. She moaned and began to respond to his caresses, as Chakotay began to feel a long forgotten warmth and contentment creep over him. This felt so utterly right. 

He began to embellish her collar bone with a garland of kisses, as he pushed one hand under the bedclothes to snake its way downwards until it came to rest on a naked hip. 

Kathryn's sharp intake of breath caused him to pause. He gazed at her questioningly through the darkness. "Kathryn? If you don't want this, please tell me now! In a moment, I won't be able to stop myself." 

Kathryn didn't say anything. She just threw her arms around him, and kissed him back. 

Chakotay's hand soon wandered upwards to seize a soft breast, and they both moaned in utter delight as he began rolling the nutted tip between his fingers. 

The darkness enveloped them, and even as he pushed the bedclothes out of the way, he knew he was not going to see very much. But he didn't need to see anything to know she was beautiful. He could _feel_ she was beautiful. It was as simple as that. 

And so the peace she always gave him flooded his soul afresh, as he set about giving her the comfort she so desperately needed. Within seconds, neither one of them would have been able to stop themselves. 

Afterwards, Chakotay held her joyfully to his breast and nuzzled her hair. He soon fell into a more blissful and contented sleep than he had enjoyed in years. 

* * *

  


When he woke, he was immediately disorientated. Kathryn's scent pervaded the bedclothes, and he knew he was not in his own room. As his consciousness resurfaced, he sat up in alarm. She was no longer in the bed. 

He listened carefully for noises from her bathroom or the lounge, but the silence was deafening. 

"Kathryn?" he called several times with growing anxiety. There was no response. 

He came through into the lounge and noticed a sheet of paper on the coffee table. He clutched at it desperately. It was covered in Kathryn's handwriting. 

  


Chakotay. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Last night shouldn't have happened. I know you only did it because you felt sorry for me, and I, in my weakness, let you. I was feeling too vulnerable to stop you. In the cold light of day we both must know it was wrong, and I don't think I can face that conversation with you.

I love you too much to stand in the way of your happiness. I know how much Seven means to you, and I'm not so foolish as to think I could compete in any way. Can anyone fight destiny? 

Be happy, my love. Kathryn.

Chakotay choked. What was Kathryn thinking? She couldn't compete with Seven? Why…she won hands down, didn't she know that? 

As the panic gripped him, he realised he'd made a crucial mistake last night. He'd figured he could leave the words till the morning, so he hadn't told her he loved her. He'd made love to her, and yet he hadn't told her how much she meant to him. 

That Seven could never make him happy now. 

And that she was his destiny. 

Now the morning had come, and she was gone. He had no idea where, and the words he had planned on saying as they greeted the new day were left unsaid. Maybe he would never get the chance to say them. 

* * *

  


At first Chakotay thought he would see her soon enough. She hadn't taken many of her things, so he was sure she would be back to collect more before long. Several days went by, and no one had a clue as to her whereabouts. Rumours flew around, and there were those that thought that Starfleet had her sequestered away somewhere, although they were refusing to divulge any information. Another rumour had her staying at the Presidential Palace. Within days, he had the entire crew of Voyager on the lookout for their former Captain. 

It took ten days of increasing desperation for Chakotay, before the rocket went up. A call came from B'Elanna to tell him that Ensign Brooks had her in her sight at a Starfleet café on another campus. He instantly excused himself, to the manifest annoyance of his interrogators, and rushed to a transporter station. 

He arrived to find Brooks standing uncertainly at the entrance to the establishment. 

"She's in there, Sir!" she said, indicating a lone woman, sitting at a table and staring dismally into an empty coffee cup. Chakotay's heart constricted. He had rarely seen Kathryn look so desolate. 

"Didn't you go in and talk to her?" 

"Well…I didn't like to, Sir. I watched her carefully, as I promised…but…" 

"But?" 

"I didn't know what to say. She's the Captain, Sir….she's like…well…awesome or something." 

He looked at the ensign in disbelief. "For heaven's sake, Brooks, she's just a normal human being like you or me, who needs our support for once. You've just spent seven years trapped in a metal bucket with the woman! She's the one who got you home in one piece, or have you forgotten? I can't believe you're incapable of stringing a few sentences together in her presence! She must have spoken to you hundreds of times on Voyager…she always made a point of it! At the very least, you could have stood her a cup of coffee!" 

"Yes, Sir!" responded Brooks rather guiltily. 

"Next time, talk to her! Thank you, Brooks…you're dismissed. I'll handle it from here." 

He strode into the café, his stomach churning in apprehension. Fortunately, he was already sliding into the seat beside Kathryn, before she realised he was there. Her chair shifted, as she made to escape, but, quick as lightening, Chakotay grabbed her hand to restrain her. 

"Oh no you don't! Don't you dare disappear on me again, Kathryn Janeway! I couldn't bear it!" 

"Chakotay? Couldn't you at least have respected my desire to be alone…and let me suffer my humiliation in private?" she responded, slumping back into her seat with indignation. 

"Not a chance. We're going to sort this out once and for all! And why on earth should you feel humiliated?" His heart was breaking as he studied her solemn face. It spoke of the strain she was feeling, and her eyes reflected the deep pain that was weighing her down. 

She nodded in resignation. "I'm sorry. What happened was a mistake…" 

"How can you possibly say that? It was very far from a mistake." 

"I know you only did it because you felt sorry for me." 

"Kathryn, give me some credit! Do you think I would have done it, if I hadn't meant it? I care about you far too much to take advantage of you like that. No, I'm in it for the long haul. I love you with every fibre of my being." She lifted her eyes to his in confusion, hardly able to believe what she was hearing. "Don't you think a man knows when he is making love to the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with?" he added gently. 

She was silent for a few seconds as she processed this. "Yes, but…" 

"What?" 

"Chakotay, where were the fireworks? I always thought…when we first came together…there would be fireworks." 

Chakotay sighed. He wasn't going to tell her that he had made love only hours earlier to another woman, and that had most probably taken the edge off his appetite. Moreover, their own state of mind at the time had also propelled them in the direction of comfort giving, rather than feverish assaugement of sexual tension. "Kathryn, it was perfect. It was exactly what we needed it to be at the time. It was beautiful and it was incredible, and I never felt so at peace with anyone before. And, trust me, the fireworks were there! They were the itty bitty ones that throw out gentle fountains of silver and gold. They're the most enchanting ones, you know. The sort that give pleasure to the soul. But, I promise you, the fire crackers and the giant rockets are there in the box, just waiting till we break them out! You'll see! You and I both know the electricity that's been sparking between us for years is still there…just beneath the surface. It hasn't gone anywhere, Kathryn. We just have to light the fuse." 

She tried hard to smile through the tears that were spilling on her cheeks. "Do you mean it, Chakotay?" 

"Every word," he said sincerely. 

"And Seven?" 

"Confined to history. After I realised you loved me...after I knew what it felt like to touch you...nobody else could ever satisfy me." He paused, smiling gently at her. "So come back, Kathryn. Let's go home….and light some of those fuses." She was grinning now. "Okay?" 

"Okay," she said leaning into his embrace. 

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on the top of her head. "I love you, you crazy woman. Don't you ever doubt it! Let's just enjoy the fireworks for the rest of our lives." 

"I love you too," she managed, and her lips finally found his. 

* * *

  


Outside, Brooks took the scene in with a leap of excitement. She hadn't left, despite Chakotay's dismissal. She was far too curious as to what would happen next, but she had kept herself invisible. 

Within an hour, the entire crew of Voyager…with the exception of Tuvok…would know that the command team were no longer just a command team. They were something else entirely. The news was greeted with universal approval, except for one person, who would...in her own words...adapt. 

And, as often happens with a rumour mill, a few tender kisses in a quiet restaurant had soon been embellished. By the time the crew began to congregate in a recreation area, the command team had apparently been: hardly able to keep their hands off each other; practically tearing each others' clothes off and planning the wedding next week. 

Strangely, just as Kathryn's misdirection to Mark had been, what was said was pretty close to the truth, so perhaps it wasn't entirely unreasonable that the crew seized upon this delicious development as an excuse to celebrate. They saw this final coming together of their commanding officers as the icing on the cake of their homecoming. Their euphoria was infectious, their enthusiasm unstoppable, and, by early evening, they had this hypothetical wedding all mapped out....as a gift to the pair who had brought them through the most difficult times imaginable. 

Not so very far away, the couple in question were thoroughly enjoying the pyrotechnic thrills of their first afternoon together, deliriously happy and blissfully ignorant of the scheming of their former colleagues. The command pair, did they but know it, were only days away from getting the wedding of the century. 

Fireworks and all. 


End file.
